When the New Year Can’t Be Happy
Well, here we are: the end of the year is upon us. In this season of resolutions and intention setting, how does your grief match up? The “happy” part of Happy New Year may not be something you can claim, but some things might still be within reach.
You may have had people tell you that 2019 is going to be a “much better year” for you. While the sentiment is nice, the reality is not that easy. If this is the first year without someone you love, the calendar turning over into a year they will not see is not a comfort by any means.
If we put aside the whole idea of the new year being “better,” it’s as good a time as any to ask yourself what you might need, what parts of this life of “after” can be made more gentle. Even though we might give anything to have life just go back to what it used to be, we can still want something for ourselves in the year to come.
Given that what has been lost cannot be restored, what do you want for yourself in this coming year? Is there anything that can be released and left behind? Is there anything you call to you? Any changes you’d like to make that might ease your load, even just slightly?
This isn’t easy, I know. When I left the year in which Matt died – kicking and screaming, leaving claw marks on the calendar – I would have had a hard time with this exercise.
And, still. There are parts of that first year I would have gladly left behind.
I would have left behind the nightmares, the self-doubt (the self-doubt!), the flashbacks. I would have called to myself more love, the ability to feel the love around me, the love that was still mine, even though the form had changed.
If you were to gently approach this new year that you may not have wanted to come, what would you leave behind in the old year? What would you call to you, in the days to come? Sometimes just asking those questions helps something to shift, even just a bit.
Setting intentions can be hard when you're grieving. Given that what has been lost cannot be restored, what do you want for yourself in this coming year? Is there anything that can be released and left behind? Click To Tweet
What do you leave behind from last year? What do you call to you in this year to come? If you allowed yourself to dream, if only a little, what sweetness or peace – or even excitement – would you look for? Let us know in the comments. Sharing your hopes and intentions, as well as what you wish to leave behind, can help others in the same situation. Telling the truth, sharing our hopes – and bearing witness to these things – is the best part of this grief community.
One more thing – sharing your hopes and intentions with other grievers has a cool benefit: grieving people know what a gargantuan task it is to claim even a bit of goodness, especially in those early years. To the outside world, your goals may look small, but to our community? We know even turning towards goodness is a massive win. Want to hang out with more people who get what it’s really like? Join the next session of the Writing Your Grief course. It’s your gateway to a community of people who understand. We’ve got room for you. Join us at this link.
And remember to share your intentions for your self in the comments! How about you? What do you leave behind from last year? What do you call to you this year? Let us know so we can witness and affirm your heart.
