a psychotherapist, writer, grief advocate, & communication expert dedicated to helping you live through things you never thought you’d face.
I’m proud to have created an online community and resource that helps people survive some of the hardest experiences of their lives.
Through my book, podcasts, and online courses, I help people learn the skills they need to love themselves – and each other – better.
“That’s a strange profession. How’d you get into this?”
I started my professional career as a psychotherapist in 2001.
In those first years, I worked with people wrestling with substance addiction and patterns of homelessness. In subsequent years, I worked with private practice clients facing decades-old abuse, trauma, and grief. Way back before I became a therapist, I worked in sexual violence education and advocacy. Through it all, I studied the cutting edge of emotional literacy and resilience (and being the social anthropologist I am, I also studied comparative religion, mythology, women’s history, and the use of art for social change).
My normal old life was pretty deep: professionally and personally, I spent most of my time under the surface of things. I helped people explore their inner worlds, hear their own hearts, find truth and meaning in their lives.
And then, on a beautiful, ordinary, fine summer day in 2009, I watched my partner drown. Matt was strong, fit, and healthy – just three months from his fortieth birthday. It was random, unexpected, and it tore my world apart.
When sudden death erupted into my life, all my professional experience felt meaningless. None of what I knew applied to loss of that magnitude. None of what I’d learned mattered. I quit my practice the day Matt died. I never saw my clients again.
In those early days of my own grief, real talk – real help – was extremely hard to find. Back then, there were very few people talking about grief as anything other than pathology, or some unfortunate thing you just had to shake off and get back to your normal, happy life.
There’s nothing like out-of-order or atypical death to make you feel like an outsider.
Our mainstream culture just doesn’t know how to handle things like this.
I didn’t want people coming into this world of grief after me to find the wasteland I found. I didn’t want people who truly wanted to help to stop trying because it seemed too hard.
I started this work, and I stay in this work, because how we talk about grief matters. How we talk about love matters.
And how we talk to each other – matters.
I’m proud to be part of the grief revolution.
I created this for you.
Grief literature is so loaded with mis-information and well-meaning but utterly wrong ideas about what it means to be in pain.
In a world that tells us that grieving the death of someone you love is an illness needing treatment, I offer a different perspective – one that encourages us to reexamine our relationship with love, loss, heartbreak, and community.
The resources and support you’ll find here won’t try to cheer you up, put you down, or force you to move on with your life.
You won’t find a five-step plan, or learn the secret to never feeling pain again.
What you will get is understanding, compassion, validation, and the skills you need to survive.
Whether your life just went sideways, you’re trying to be supportive for someone else, or you want to learn awesome interpersonal skills inside your everyday life, you’re in the right place.
We’ve got to stop talking about grief as a problem to be solved. When we change our conversations around grief, we make things better for everyone.
Which brings me to you
I’m here to help. My company is dedicated to love, sovereignty, and the power of language to stitch together the wounded places of our lives, both personal and communal.
Through free content, my new book, our paid online creative courses, professional trainings, and anything else we might offer — my team and I are here to help make things better, even when they can’t be made right. To help you survive what feels un-survivable. To help you show up and support the people you love. To help everyone become more kind, more real, and more skilled.
Whether your life just imploded, or you’re wondering how to support the people you love, we’re here to help.
The majority of our support and resources are offered to you 100% free of charge. We’re also a business, and I’m proud to support my team and earn my living helping people learn the skills they need to survive the things life asks. You can help support our team as we create videos, comics, podcasts, and other tools for the Grief Revolution by becoming a patron. (And for more on how my company rolls, read this.)
I’m an expert, but I don’t have all the answers. I fumble at times, on the page, on the stage, and in real life. I switch from deeply profound thought to ridiculous dark humor full of eye-rolling puns at the drop of a hat. I have a habit of being a bit snarky when I point out an unintentional (or intentional) grief-shaming. I’m committed to calling out the unspoken messages inside the things we say to each other – not because I’m enamored of kicking over tables, but because I know what true community can be. Disruption in the service of more love is the name of this game.
If you’ve read this far, thank you. I hope this is just the beginning of our relationship. The best way stay connected is to subscribe — .
When you join, you’ll get an excerpt from my book, It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand, as a welcome gift. (the pdf also gives you a good overview of my thoughts on grief, if you’d like a cheat sheet.)
Thank you for taking the time to get to know me better. Whatever has brought you here, I’m sorry you have need of this place, and I’m so glad you’ve arrived.
PS: When you become a member of the Tribe of After on our Patreon page, you help us create videos, podcasts, animations, comics, and other things that help everyone get better at responding to grief. We’d love to have your support – we can’t do it without you. Click the button below to find out what you’ll get as a Tribe member, and how you can help the Grief Revolution take hold.